Peace In Our Own Way
by Chikuma Kanagaki
Summary: "I asked you. Was it your bomb? You said you didn't know and whatever the truth is I'll always be thinking about it." I walk away and stop in front of the door. "I dealt with it without you, Gale. Now, I'm as fine as possible. So, just let it be. Things won't be ever same again between us, no matter how much you say or show your sorry now. I've already lost my best friend."
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing, The Hunger Games and all of its awesomeness belongs to **Suzanne Collin**.

Enjoy!

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Morning sunshine is working its way through the opened windows toward the large bed where the two of three Mellark still asleep soundly, greet us warmly to start another day. No one budges yet, not even me since fatigue still dominated all over our bodies, but the happiness that spreads all over our exhausted faces is surely visible.

A moment later, I open my gray eyes slowly then take in the view in front of me and smiles brightly. My six months sweet baby girl is curled up on Peeta's broad chest, sucking her little fist in mouth.

Peeta's right hand lays gently across our baby's tiny back, clasping her to him, where his left hand is entwined with my hands. He carries on his promise and duty, protects both of us, even in his sleep.

A single teardrop runs down my cheek, what have I ever done that makes me deserve both of these beautiful and amazing persons? I never know the answer of this question, which is why I terrified that someday I'll lose both of them. If that terrible thing ever happens, I'll die. I'm certain of it. I'll die in an instant.

I have no idea how long have I holds my gaze over them, I always lost in time when it comes to both of them. But I never mind, my life is rotating around them. It doesn't matter how much both of them consume my time, all of it belongs to them anyway.

Suddenly, Peeta's long and blonde eyelash flutters.

"Good morning, gorgeous," Katniss said.

"Morning too, beautiful," Peeta moved his head slowly toward me. "How's your sleep?"

"Well… three hours isn't enough, but I have nothing to complain. What about you?"

"Same as you. Nothing to complain about," Peeta smiled. "I'd love to give you a good morning kiss, but someone occupies my chest this very moment."

"Yeah, I see that. A very beautiful girl sleeps atop you, should I be worried?"

"If you can accept the fact that I love her as much as I love you, we'll be alright."

"If you can accept the fact that I love her as much as I love you too, I don't mind at all."

"Well… since the three of us are madly in love, you can come here and kiss me anytime you feel like it," Peeta said with a mischievous grin.

I move slightly and kiss him softly; we break apart when the little figure between us raises her head slowly.

"Hello… sweetie, ready for another wonderful day?" I scooped her gently.

"Of course she is, right willow?" Peeta kissed her chubby cheeks.

Willow makes no response; she isn't wide awake yet for it.

"You better take shower now, it's already nine," I said. "The train will leave at eleven and we need to arrive at the train station at least fifteen minutes before it.

"Sure, I need to hurry and makes breakfast anyway. Haymitch will be here at any moment."

"Did you pack all willow stuffs that I told you yesterday?"

"I did, it's in her room if you want to double-check it," Peeta's voice muffled as he closed the bathroom door. "I put the train ticket in her bag also, on the left pouch."

"Okay… I'll be in the nursery, dressing Willow up. We'll be ready in an hour," I raised my voice a bit "And Peeta… are you sure Haymitch will sober enough for this."

"I'm sure, Katniss. Don't worry about it."

"I won't," I smiled.

I walk toward Willow's nursery. It's located right in front of our bedroom. Last night was an exception; she was too fussy to sleep there. Not cried all night either, she just didn't want to shut her eyes. It was four past fifty when she finally falls asleep.

The walls are beautifully painted. The sky, sun, clouds, trees, grass, flowers and animal like birds, squirrels and rabbits looked so real. Peeta spent three months for it. He picked every single thing in it by himself, except for the clothes.

I never knew what the nursery would look like; he only let me in at the same time as Willow did. Not that I would complain about what it would be, I just curious. I stopped forcing him to show it just after he said that he wanted it to be special and perfect for us.

The furniture is pastel colored. The crib, the changing table, the drawers, the toy box, everything and since Willow and I would spend a lot of our time there, he even provided it with a refrigerator and some machine called pastry warmer so I'll never run out fresh stock of cheese buns.

I often forget that it's the nursery, not a clearing in the woods, since it's bring the same sense of freedom, comfort & happiness to me. It's even making me feel safe and loved, something that the woods definitely cannot offer. So yeah… just like Peeta wanted it to be, it is special and perfect in every single way.


	2. Chapter 2

I bring Willow to the rocking chair, she needs her breakfast soon or she'll resist when I dress her up. I look at her face when suckle her.

It's a very perfect mixing of me and Peeta. She has Peeta's blue eyes, nose, face shape and my exact lips, cheeks and dark hair. She is so beautiful; I am falling in love right away the first time I held her. The joy of holding her is unexplained; it's one of the most amazing moments of my life.

After Willow satisfied, I bathe and dress her up in a pink summer dress. I tie her black hair in a pony tail with a pink ribbon and put a pair of blue shoes on her little feet.

"There you go… you look gorgeous, Willow!" I scoop her up and put her inside the crib. "Now mommy is going to take a shower, will you wait here for a while, sweetie?"

"Ah-duh," Willow raises both her hands.

"Good girl! Mommy won't be long, okay," I kiss her cheeks.

I always feel uneasy whenever I leave Willow alone. So I take a short hot shower, put a simple sleeveless yellow blouse with a knee length black pants on and braided my black hair as fast I could and hurry back to the nursery.

I carry willow and her bag down stair toward the kitchen. Haymitch already there, sits on a stool in front of the table, right across Peeta. He looks sober. I put Willow on her high chair beside Haymitch and kiss Peeta before sit beside him.

"You look clean and fresh, Haymitch," I grin. "What did Peeta say to you yesterday?"

"Good morning too, sweetheart," Haymitch pouts, his index finger is on Willow's grasp. "And you're welcome too."

"I said that if he isn't sober while driving a car with you and Willow in it, I'll make sure that he won't see any of his precious bottles for the rest of his life," Peeta smiles. "No pressure of course."

I laugh. "So when the last time you…"

"Yesterday morning, just so you satisfied," Haymitch answers, cuts my question halfway. "When will we go? I need my drink."

"Just after Willow and Katniss have their breakfast," Peeta answers.

"I'll start the car then," Haymitch says, kissed Willow's cheek.

"Thank you, Haymitch."

"I said it already, but you are welcome, sweetheart."

Even since the war ended and we wrote the book about hunger games together, Haymitch is no longer just a former mentor and an ally for Peeta and me.

He is a protector, a person that can reads every single expression that Peeta and I make without need any explanation, a person that will always listen and answer, a person that love us with every single flaw, a person that almost never sober but always sober enough to wish us a happy birthday, a person that we care a lot, a parent figure that both of us no longer have. A grandfather that Willow no longer have.

He is a best friend. A very best and dearest friend.

But, even we understand each other, he stills the same Haymitch Abernathy. A drunkard, a grumbler, a hothead and a sloppy old man. But we will never change this Haymitch Abernathy for the world.

Peeta puts a plate of eggs, bacon, sausage and toast in front of me.

"I'll bring the bags to the car and lock all the windows and doors while you eat," Peeta kisses me. "I'll be on the front porch with Haymitch when you are done."

"Okay," I smile.

I eat without putting a lot of attention to what I eat, distracted by Willow that play with her juice cup. Spilling the papaya and apple mixed juice that Peeta makes for her earlier happily, laughing frantically.

The mixed juice smeared all over her yellow duck shape apron and her high chair table, but I can care less. The joy that her laughter brings to me is overwhelming, nothing else is matter.

I wash the dishes and dry it after I finished my breakfast, since we won't come back for at least two weeks. I carry Willow to the front door, when the phone rings.

"Hello… Katniss is speaking."

"Katniss, it's mom."

"What is it, mom? Is everything alright?"

"I thought you already leave," She sounds relieved. "Yes, everything is alright. I just forgot to ask when your train will be arriving at district four's station."

"No, not yet. Why are you asking?"

"I'll pick you up, of course."

"Don't you busy at the hospital? We'll be alright, mom"

"I am taking an annual leave today. I know you'll be fine. I just impatient, it's my first time meeting my granddaughter."

"We'll be arriving at eight, tonight," I smile.

"I'll be there at eight then. Have a safe trip, Katniss," She says. "I love you."

"I love you too, mom."

"It looks like your grandmother can't wait to see you, Willow," Peeta takes Willow from me. "Ready to go, Katniss?"

"Yes," I kiss him.

"Good, Haymitch is growing impatient." Peeta holds my hand and leads us toward the front door. "And I can't really blame him."


	3. Chapter 3

We ride Haymitch's car to the train station, since Peeta and I have none. Not because we don't have enough money to buy one, we have more than we will ever need.

The new Panem government still pays our tribute winning every month with extra half of the annual tribute winning amount as a war hero's allowance. That, plus Peeta's income from the bakery, we won't lack of money even if we buy two cars for each of us.

No, we just don't really need it. We never go far away after the war ended. The usual places we visit often are the bakery at the town square, the market that at the exact spot as the hob before and the meadow.

Those places are easily reached by walking and we can always ask Haymitch to ride us when we need to go to some places far enough. Places that we visit occasionally, like the hospital when I delivered Willow and the train station at this very moment.

The old train station that used to be a departure spot for the hunger game's tributes was destroyed and a new one was built at a new spot that far enough to reach by foot. It's about twenty-five minutes of drive from our home in victor village.

District twelve grows about three times of its original size up until now. It's no longer a poor, dirty and forgotten coal mining district. People had been plowing the ashes into the earth and had planted food here when the war ended and since the new Panem government built the drug factories, the population is getting bigger and bigger.

The old high chain-link fence topped with barbed wire loops replaced with a new one. Electrified twenty-four hours every single day to deter the predators that live in the woods but with ten gates that guarded twenty-four hours by the safeguard, spread all over it.

So anyone can enter and exit anytime they please. It's no longer a place where people starve to death.

With all that improvement, a lot of things changed. Because travel from district to district no longer forbidden, a lot of new people from different district come and stay. That's why district twelve residents appearance is no longer divided to black-haired, olive skin tone with gray eyes for seam and blonde, fair skin tone with blue eyes for merchant anymore.

There is no more seam or townie. Just us, the new generation of district twelve residents.

"Did you bring all stuff that Willow needs?" Haymitch asks, hands on the wheel. "Diapers, blankets, jackets, socks, juice mugs, stroller, and her favorite doll? What else? Oh yeah… did you buy that… what it calls? Blah… blah… lotion? I don't want her beautiful skin burns! Its district four, the heat is intolerable!"

"Don't worry Haymitch; I packed all of it yesterday. I'm sure nothing was forgotten and it called SPF lotion," Peeta grins. "If you worry this much why don't you just come with us? Don't you think you need some vacation too? You're going to be a grumpy grandfather for Willow if you stuck in district twelve forever."

"He already is, Peeta," I laugh.

"Laugh as much you want, sweetheart. Just makes sure you take care of Willow, don't you ever let her out of your sight," Haymitch pouts. "And come back home soon, I read that overheat is not good for toddler."

"You read, Haymitch?" Peeta asks. "I never know…"

"You don't suppose to know, but yeah I read some books."

"What kind of book?" I look at his reflection in the mirror above the dashboard.

"Some books," He avoids my gaze in the mirror. "Well… some baby and toddler books. I just happened to buy some of it in the bookstore near train station when the delivery train was on delay."

A huge rush of affection for Haymitch dawn on me. Peeta moves in his seat and holds his gaze on Haymitch before he looks at me. I can tell that he feels the same thing. Tears start dwelling on my eyes, I blink them repeatedly to avoid any of its falls.

I feel grateful. I have a lot of things that I know I'll never deserve even if I could live a hundred lifetimes, but I have it anyway. So I'll never take any of it for granted ever again.

Even with all of his ugly blemishes, Haymitch is a gift. He fulfilled his promise to me, to try and save Peeta. He brought him back to me, even with all the amiss, he did. He protected us with all his might and now he does the same thing for our baby.

How can I ever stop owing people, I have no idea. I'll just remember and savor every each of it and try with all my might to repay the debts.

"It wasn't a big deal," Haymitch moves in his seat, uncomfortable. "I just happened to bring more money than I need for the liquors and the books were on sale."

"It means a lot for us, Haymitch," Peeta says.

"Hmm…" Haymitch grunts.

We sit in silence for the rest of the ride.


	4. Chapter 4

We arrive at the train station on ten past forty. Peeta unloads Willow's stroller and the bags from the cars, while Haymitch gets a trolley for our bags. I climb down the car and take in everything around me, clasp Willow tightly in my embrace.

I have never been here before. It wasn't a structure with two platforms divided by the railway in between, like the old tribute's train station. It's a huge and remarkable building with stair steps and slopes that leads to a set of sturdy looking door, swarmed with people.

The 'District Twelve Train Station' engraved beautifully on a concrete space above that door.

Stores lined up both of its sides; bookstore, ice cream booth, florist, and even a bakery. It really is a sight.

"It's something, isn't it?" Peeta puts his hands around my waist. "I struck by it too when I got the tickets."

"Got? You mean bought," I raise my eyebrows.

"No, got. I pay nothing for it, it looks like the war heroes allowance included a lifetime free ticket," Peeta says. "The first class free tickets for the rest of our life."

"Not something we need to complain about, I guess."

"I know, but it's not like I did something valuable during the war to deserve this kind of privilege," Peeta frowns. "I almost killed the real war heroine, twice."

I look straight at his blue eyes and I see everything I hate flicker inside. No pain, regret and shame will ever have any kind of privilege to ever flash in that noble blue eyes. Never.

"You know I hate it the most when you belittle yourself! If you didn't warn the thirteen about the bomb, I wouldn't be here today. Surely this train station and probably these people too," I snap at him. "And more importantly, Willow. But all of it is here today and for that you deserve more than a pile of money and free ticket, Peeta."

Peeta looks at me with something I suppose as awe for a second before he leans over and kisses me. I feel something new in it; combine with love, passion, happiness and gentleness. Yet, I can't put my finger on it, I just feel an odd sudden need to kiss him for a very long period, forever and never let go.

"I just wish that I deserve you for that action," Peeta says when we finally gasp for air.

I clench a bit of his white button up shirt, a spot near his heart, where I put my right palm when we kissed earlier.

"Unfortunately, you aren't," I bump my forehead on his chest, my sight is blurry.

I can feel that Peeta's body is stiffening; his hands around my waist are loosening at the very moment. Willow is restless among us.

"You deserve someone much better than me," I look at his blue eyes. "But unfortunately I'm too greedy to ever let you go for her, so… I'll do my best to keep you as mine; I'll do everything to keep you always mine."

He looks at me with those adorable blue eyes of him and leans over to kiss me once more. I put a lot of things in this kiss, everything I have in me. He needs to know his value. The fact, that I'm the only one who needs to worry, not him.

"I reckon that you need to on board before eleven, and we won't make it if both of you keep kissing each other like that," Haymitch's grumble sets us apart.

"We know, we better hurry then," Peeta smiles.

"Now you are talking," Haymitch grunts and takes Willow from me.

With Willow in his embrace, he leads us to platform 5, where a silver-colored train waits for us to go on board and walks straight to the front railway car toward our first class compartment.

As I see the train, horror dominated me abruptly when another train occupies my mind. A very despicable train. I'm gasping for air as I start my list. A list of every act of goodness I've seen someone did.

Isobel gave a little girl in white an apple.

Imogen the florist lent an umbrella to Freya.

Kayden smiled as he pulled the gate's lever for everybody.

Greasy sae gave Ollie a free bowl of hot soup last winter.

Peeta distributed free sugar cookies to the orphans on my birthday.

With the list going on in my head, I start calming down. I take several deep breaths to normalize my breath before following Haymitch, Willow and Peeta inside.

The train compartment is quite extravagant, warm and cozy for a tiny square shape room. It's decorated with light brown colored walls, crystal hanging lamps and soft dark brown seating for at least six people on each side of the wall.

A wide and clean glass window positioned on the far side, across the sliding door where I stand. The gap between the seats is so spacious, I'm sure a dinner table will fit in it.

Haymitch sits on the right seat near the window; Willow is sucking her thumb sleepily on his lap. Peeta puts the entire luggage on the rack above the seat and Willow's stroller under the window, before taking his seat in front of it, right across Haymitch.

I stand in the door frame, taking my surroundings for a bit more. Thankfully, I can't find any despicable similarity between this train with the other one in my past.

We'll be okay.

With that thought, I take my seat beside Peeta.


	5. Chapter 5

"It looks nothing like the last train I've ever ridden," Peeta comments.

"I'm grateful, If not that Trinket woman would irritate the nerve out of me!"

"There are no way you grateful over that, Haymitch! You miss her so bad, do you?" I grin. "There is no use saying it otherwise."

"You don't want to walk down that path, Sweetheart," Haymitch glares at me.

"And why is that?"

"He got an army of geese for sure," Peeta smiles.

"Yeah… a pack of improperly feed angry geese sound frightening," Haymitch mocks. "Even the old Capitol mutt is nothing compared to it."

We all laugh.

"It's feeling nice. Incredibly nice," I say after all the laughter subsides.

"What is nice? Talking about Effie or the joke about Haymitch's geese?"

"All of it. The three of us, the wreckages, laugh out loud over the horror," I say quietly. "Like it never had any effect on us."

Peeta takes my hands. "It's good, isn't it? It means we almost recovered."

"It is. That's why I said it's nice."

"Well… I better get going now. The train is going to leave soon," Haymitch hands over Willow to Peeta.

"Thank you, Haymitch," I embrace him.

"Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself and Willow, she needs you," Haymitch says. "Peeta will be there, so… I'm not worried, but call me if you ever need something."

"I will."

"Good," Haymitch walks toward the sliding door.

"Haymitch… I stock up your refrigerator with buns, loaves of breads and frozen stew. You'll need to heat them up before you eat them," Peeta says. "You can find seven of your liquor bottles on the storage cabinet near the back door. I also put some instant canned goods and several boxes of cookies, just in case. Those foods will last for two weeks, so don't forget to eat."

"Wait… what?! Seven!? Where is the other?"

"I keep them, don't worry about it. Your share will last for a week if you drink a bottle a day."

"A bottle a day?!" Haymitch shouts.

"Yes, a bottle a day. But you know, suit yourself," Peeta smiles. "I'm going to call you every day to make sure you eat and after a week, I'll tell you where I put the other bottles. One bottle to find, for each day until we come back and there is no need to argue about it, you'll just startle Willow."

"You not serious are you?" Haymitch pleads.

"Unfortunately, I'm sure he is, Haymitch," I snicker. "You know him. He never jokes about taking care of us. He's the superior one in this trio, remember?"

He looks at me, an agreement flickers across his gray eyes.

"I better get going and grab my first bottle for today then," He mumbles. "Bye you three, have a safe trip."

"Where do you hide the other bottle?" I ask Peeta after Haymitch leaves.

"Somewhere, but I'm not going to tell you,"

"Why?"

"You'll tell him."

"No, I'm not."

"You will."

"No, I'm not. Why will I tell him?" I ask, annoyed.

"Because you love him. He ran out a week ago and just got the liquors yesterday. You'll feel sorry and tell him," Peeta puts Willow gently inside her stroller, she dozes off.

"I won't and when did exactly I ever say that I love him?!"

"Never, but you do."

"Oh yeah? What makes you so sure about it?" I ask peevishly.

"Because it's the truth, Katniss. Haymitch and you are alike and I spent my life studying both of you, so I won't be the outcast ever again," Peeta answers quietly.

I can feel my rage subsided by his words.

"You will never be an outcast, Peeta" I pout.

"I know," He smiles.

"It's the truth!" I shout.

"Shh… you'll wake Willow up."

"I know. I'm sorry. But, you have you to believe it," I plead.

"I do."

"You aren't an outcast. You have never been and never will. What happened in our first games was just a lucky coincidence. I was dumb and Haymitch was clever enough to take an advantage on my stupidity," I mumble quietly. "It's just like you said before, we are alike."

I have to convince him. I don't know why but I have to. If I failed, I would lose him. I can't stand the thought, I start crying, sobbing. What's wrong with me? I cry a lot lately. A lot like a LOT.

Peeta hugs me tightly. "Why are you crying, Katniss?"

"I just… I don't know. I cry a lot lately. I'm afraid, Peeta," I hiccup. "I'm scared about a lot of things lately."

"Hey… I'm here, love. Everything is going to be okay," Peeta soothes me. "I know this trip is huge, but you have nothing to worry about. We are going to be fine. Two weeks and we'll be safely home again."

"I know, I don't know what is wrong with me but I'm afraid. Terrified," I look into his blue eyes." Please… please promise me you'll never leave me alone."

"I promise that I will never leave you alone. I promise I will never leave Willow alone," He wipes my tears away. "I love both of you so much, Katniss. How can I ever leave? It is you, I'm afraid will."

"No! I won't. I will never leave, Peeta!"

"Then please promise me that you'll never leave me too."

"I Promise. I swear that I'll never leave you or Willow. Never."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This story is really boring, isn't it? Honestly, I kind of proud of it in the beginning because this is my very first multi chapter fic that have more than three chapters so far. Still my muse left me behind…**

**But, since the last chapter's ending sucked, I decide to upload one more chapter that had more decent one and here it is. #SmilingBrightly**

**Enjoy...**

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I love Peeta so much I can't even understand how can I love someone this much. I love him with everything I have in me; I love him more than my life.

If my sixteen years old being told that someday she'll love someone more than her own life, she would have laughed out loud. I always thought that love is dangerous and useless. That it'll make you weak and vulnerable.

I was wrong. Love isn't dangerous, it is wonderful. It isn't useless, it's useful. It has made you weak and vulnerable in front of the one you love, but it makes you strong and invincible at the same time. Because you'll do everything, you'll capable doing anything to protect them.

Well in my case, I killed Coin that resulted in Snow's death.

It's seven past twenty; the train will arrive at district four's train station soon. Even though the sky outside the window is dark, I can see the sea a little far through it. Peeta is sleeping soundly on the right seat. He played with Willow all day since she awoke at two this afternoon. His lack of sleep last night and tiredness hits him, he looks weary yet he wears that adorable smile on.

"Your daddy is very handsome, isn't he, Willow?"

"Ah… nyah," Willow grabs my braid, laughing.

"He is a very brave person. He put his life on the line thousand times for me, even when he knew he would get nothing."

"Hmm... daah."

"You're right! He is the nicest person alive. He won't hurt anybody as long as he can avoid it. He is a savior. He saved me, aunt Prim and your grandmother once and being beaten for it. He also saved people in thirteen and being beaten too," I smile, tears start running down my cheek." He being beaten a lot for saving people, but he always does it again in a heartbeat every time he gets the chance."

"Daa... nyahh da," Willow put her little hand on my tears, I wipe it away. "Haa dah."

"Yes. He is perfect. Handsome, brave, nice and all. He also an extraordinary baker and painter. His breads and pains are the best in whole Panem."

"Wa daa nyah."

"I don't even believe myself that he is my husband, Willow, but he is," I smile at my daughter. "He asked me to marry him when we were nineteen and I said yes right away. Since that fall, my name is Katniss Mellark."

"Ahh dah!"

"Of course, Willow. Your daddy was practically begging for you, but I wasn't ready to share him with anyone yet," I kiss her cheeks. "I'm so sorry for that. But finally fifteen years after our marriage, I felt you inside me. I terrified. The only thing I can thought of was what if I mess up, what if I couldn't take care of you, what if something bad happens and I can't protect you. I'm so afraid that you'll be taken away from us."

"Daa... daa... yahh!"

"Of course I won't do it any differently. Even if I can go back, I won't change anything. I will still have you; I'll do that in a heartbeat."

"Ahh… da."

"I still worry, but your daddy says it will be okay. We have each other. We'll take care and protect each other."

"Nyah... daa."

"We love you too, sweetie. So much," I kiss her forehead

"Are you two conspiring something?" Peeta asks sleepily.

"Yahh… mah daa."

"Willow is right. It's Willow and mommy's secret."

"So… you won't tell daddy, Willow?" Peeta takes her from me and tosses her slightly.

Willow is laughing frantically. She loves this toss and catch game.

"What time is it?" Peeta ask me.

"It's seven past fifty. We'll be there soon."

Peeta frowns. "Were you just crying, Katniss? What is it?"

"It's nothing, Willow bites me when I suckled her," I lie.

"You did, Willow? That's not nice, you hurt mommy, sweetie. You won't do that again right?"

"Njahh daa."

"That's my girl," Peeta kisses her cheek. "Are you ready to meet grandma? We'll be there soon, sweetie."

"Ya daa... daa."

"It's district four, you'll see a beach and ocean here. You'll even meet Finn here."

"Daa… daa…"

"He is our best friend's son, honey. Just like you, his parents are victors and war heroes like us."

I look at Peeta, My body is tense. He catches my expression.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," I say. "I just…"

The piston and brakes drown my respond.

"We are here," Peeta hands Willow over me. "I'll bring the bags and stroller, you go ahead with Willow, your mother must impatient."

"Are you sure you'll be alright with it?"

"I'm sure; I'll catch up with you soon."

"Okay…"

I walk down the hallway toward the nearest door and step the platform. Looking around for any sight of my mother. But another train just arrived on the other side of the platform and the platform is suddenly crowded with people, I can't find her yet. So I decide to wait for Peeta before I search the platform further for her.

When Peeta show up at the same door I used, I walk toward him to help him with the bags and stroller. After Peeta arranges the bags on the stroller and his shoulder, we walk toward the nearest bench; we'll wait until the crowded subside before looking for my mother.

People keep bumping toward us. Peeta puts his arm around me, trying to evade any crash from Willow and me. When we almost reach the bench, someone hit my left shoulder hard. Thankfully, I hold Willow with my right arm, safely between Peeta and me.

The black-haired man who bumps into my left shoulder turn around and start apologizing, he stops in the middle of it, and his mouth hangs open and his gray eyes wide in shock. Peeta's arm tightens around me. I lose my ability to breathe.

The man is Gale Hawthorne.

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**Hi… guys. Thanks for sticking around up till now, but I'm really sorry to tell you that I get a lot of difficulties with this story. I don't find it entertaining any longer and I believe my reader feels the same way.**

**Thanks a lot for you who read, put it in your list of alert and favorite, it means the world to me. You have no idea how that little acts of goodness made my life.**

**Thanks, I definitely appreciate it. Well, the truth is I did my best because of it, so I'd like to dedicate this story to all of you who appreciate my work so far.**

**That's all, I guess… Bye!**


	7. Chapter 7

**So... after all '_the this and that' _I uploaded a new chapter. Okay... just say it out loud and let me taste it #BittingNails**

**I do not know yet; whether this mean I'd finished it or no, all I know for know is... this is what it is #RollingEyes**

**I know, I know. Just try not to hit me on the head, okay #DuckUnderTable**

**And... This is for you... The one and only admirer of my silly and lame fics. ****I won't even have a wink of sleep if I have to, just as long as you want me to write, I'll write, b****ut please let me take my time, okay.**

**I'm busy too you know #HugeGrin.**

**That's all I have and need to say, especially to you... now please enjoy :)**

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"Cat-…" Gale clears his throat. "Katniss… I never expect to meet you here. How are you? How's twelve?"

I say nothing; I'm too tense to think about something to say. His eyes dart toward Peeta beside me and to Willow between us.

"Peeta. How is everything?" Gale's voice sounds casual.

"Everything is fine, what about you?"

"I'm great. Is she… " Gale nods at Willow.

"This is Willow," Peeta smiles. "Willow this is Uncle Gale. Say hello, pumpkin."

"No. It's Mr. Hawthorne, Willow," I say coldly.

The silence is very intense. I look at Gale eyes, hard. Peeta moves uncomfortably beside me.

"Nice to meet you, Willow. I'm Gale Hawthorne," Gale says, tiredly.

"Eh… do," Willow touches my chin.

"Gale Hawthorne is an aquintance of mommy and daddy. We knew him a long time ago."

Gale's aims his eyes sadly at me.

Willow turn to Peeta, reaching for him. "Ndaa…"

Peeta puts the bag he carries to the stroller and takes Willow gently from me. "I'll look around for your mother, Katniss. I won't be long."

I grab his wrist. "She'll find us."

"So… Your mother will pick you up?" Gale's expression unchanged. "I guess I'll take off, then."

"That's better. The best idea you ever have," I snap.

Pain flickers on Gale's face but he says nothing.

Peeta extends his hand. "Nice to meet you again, Gale. Take care."

Urghh… Peeta and his nice attitude.

"Nice to meet you too," Gale shakes Peeta's hand.

"Katniss! Oh… my god!"

"Mom!?"

My mother runs and hugs me tightly, sobbing. "Oh… I miss you so much. I'm really sorry, Katniss! I supposed to visit you on twelve."

"It's okay, mom. Come on, don't you want to see Willow?"

"Of course I want to," She let me go and turn toward Peeta and Willow. "Look at you… You are so beautiful, Willow, sweetie."

Peeta hands Willow over to my mother, his trademark grin is on. I love that grin so much, I kiss him full in the mouth.

I can feel Gale eyes locks on me, I don't care. But to my disappointment, Peeta pulls away too soon and clears his throat.

"Mrs. Everdeen… In case you didn't see him," Peeta says. "Gale is here."

"Gale?" My mother looks dazed.

"Hi… Isla."

"Oh… Gale. Aren't you late? You suppose to come before five, right? Is there something happening."

What!? What does it mean? Did Gale meet my mother on a regular basis or what?! My anger flares. Peeta moves behind me, his arm around my abdomen. His chin rest on my shoulder. I get the clue and take a deep breath to calm myself.

"Yes, I got stuck," Gale says.

"Why don't you come with us?" My mother offers Gale. "I don't want to let my granddaughter go yet and Katniss or Peeta can't drive."

"Don't want to. It's different from cannot," I snap. Peeta squeezes my arm.

"Yes, of course, Katniss," my mother apologizes.

Gale looks at me for a moment, unsure. "Thank you so much for the offer, I'd glad to."

My mother takes the lead, followed by Gale. Before I can follow them, Peeta stops me.

"Katniss…"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No… don't apologize to me," Peeta smiles. "I understand how you feel, I know you upset and all. I just don't want you to get mad or yell in front of Willow. I know she still a baby and doesn't understand it yet, but… I hate my childhood because of all the yelling and the… Well, I just don't want her to ever see her mother like that."

"I know and I'm sorry. I won't. For you and Willow, I won't," I kiss his cheek.

"I'm sorry too and thank you, Katniss."

"Don't apologize, Peeta. You do nothing wrong," I take his hand on me. "Come on, we need to follow them."

The ride isn't comfortable at all, with me trying to suppress my anger. I want Peeta to sit on the back seat with me, keeping him close. But that way Willow will have to sit beside gale, since my mother refuses to ever let her go.

I really can't pick between the two of them. I want to keep both of them close to me, safeguarded.

Finally the car comes to stop in front of a cyan colored cottage. The cottage is about a hundred feet from the beach; the sound of a crashing wave brings me to awe. Gale starts helping Peeta with the bags and stroller.

It rubs me the wrong way. Not that I can blame him for being helpful, but I still remember the last time he tries to be helpful, for the rebellion and then my sister gone. It's not that I blame it entirely to him, Beetee or the rebellion, because I had some sort of contribution in it too. If only I fast enough to save her, she wouldn't… she will...

"Let it be, Gale!" I snap. "I'll take it; we don't need your help."

"I'm just trying to…"

"Yeah… you know what?! Don't! Don't try anything."

"I'm sorry if I upset you."

"Keep it to yourself, I don't need it."

"Katniss…" My mother starts.

"No, mom! Please just bring Willow inside, it's cold."

Peeta takes the bag from me. "I'll take the bags; can you please bring the stroller?"

"Sure, I'll be there soon," I kiss him gently.

"Thank you for the ride, Gale," Peeta says before he walks inside.

Gale nods, his eyes on me.

"Katniss…"

"No! Stop it, Gale!" I snap. "I don't want to hear it, I don't need it! So just cut it out."

"I'm sorry!" Gale shouts. "I have to say it. I'm sorry for everything, I'm really sorry."

"Well… I don't see any changes. It's useless. Anyway what are you sorry about?!"

"For Pri-"

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare say her name!" I scold him. "It's not your fault anyway, right?"

Gale looks confused.

"I asked you. Was it your bomb? You said you didn't know and whatever the truth is I will always be thinking about it." I walk away and stop in front of the door. "I dealt with it without you, Gale. Now, I'm as fine as possible. So, just let it be. Things won't be ever same again between us, no matter how much you say or show your sorry now. I already lost my best friend and hunting partner long ago."

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**Good? Bad? Or between? Well... Which ever it is, hope you enjoy it and remember _this is special just for you_ #BigHug**


	8. Chapter 8

Yes… another chapter for this fic #SmileProudly

I got a very constructive review for last chapter and I take it dear to my heart, I really appreciate it I take the challenge and write another chapter. Good or bad is yours to decide. I just create and serve #Grinning

But, I need to explain a thing. I don't intend this fic as Katniss and Gale, just Katniss actually. The way she manage the loss of her friendship with Gale. Because that is the very base of this story, I want to write how she feel being betrayed by how Gale never try to, I don't know, reconcile with her? And I changed the summary for this fic sometime ago, it actually like below for the beginning.

_I have two extraordinary men in my life, Peeta Mellark and Gale Hawthorne._

_I choose Peeta as a husband that I love unconditionally for a reason, the best one. He is all I need to make peace with myself, with everyone, with everything._

_As for Gale, I have also had a reason. A reason to ever call him my hunting partner, my best friend. But, may I be at peace with him? With us?_

And I'm a hardcore Peeta's girl fans, so… I write a lot of good things about him here. So… I'm so very sorry for Gale's fans who mistaken my fic. I mean no offense at all. I like Gale too, a lot! But, fortunately I just happen to love Peeta. A lot.

Please understand #SmiledApologetically

So… that is that. Shall we enjoy the chapter now?

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It's almost midnight, but I can't close my eyes yet. Peeta is sleeping soundly beside me, his left arm spread under my head, embraces me in his sleep. Willow is lying flat on Peeta's stomach with her palms flat on his chest. Rise and fall gently due Peeta's and her own breath.

Seeing the two of them make me feel warmer, but for the first time fails to ease and succumb me to deep sleep. My conversation with Gale still occupies my mind.

Peeta didn't ask about it, he didn't even seem has a need to talk about it. He threats our conversation as a personal matter between me and Gale. Not because he doesn't care or curious, I bet he did. He just didn't want to interfere, he trusts me completely. He waits for me to tell him, when I'm ready.

This thought brings me to tears again. How the way he behaves about it, showing how much he loves me. Something that I don't deserve. I realize that I never show him how much I love him. Words can't ever describe it and I don't have ability to do what he did. To make him feel my love just by doing or not doing something.

What if someday he tired of all of this and decides to leave me? What can I do to keep him by my side? To assure him that I love him so much it's almost impossible?

I am sure about one thing though, I don't need Gale to make him doubts me. I don't have anything to do with Gale, not anymore and I have already made it clear to Gale this evening.

I can't deny that a tiny part inside me wanted things to become better with Gale, not as a lover, best friend or even hunting partner. As an acquaintance is more than enough. I need to convince myself that I hold no grudge toward him, toward anyone in particular.

I'm tired of hatred, wrath and sorrow. I got enough of that as a child, as a teenager, as an adult, as a daughter, as a sister and I don't need any of it as a parent. I want to raise my child in love, warmth and happiness.

I want to give Willow everything that I never have as a child. I want her to become Peeta, a nice person with a smile that always appears over her beautiful lips. I want her to have a long lovely childhood as long as possible. I don't want her to be mature before the time. Like me, like Prim…

My tears are streaming down uncontrollable now; I need to have some air before any terrible sobs and hiccups waking Peeta or Willow up. I sure cry a lot lately. Cry, think and scare a lot.

I walk tiptoe quietly to the kitchen for a cup of tea to warm myself, before take a seat on the front pouch. But to my surprise, my mother sits on the stool in front of the counter. I wipe my tears away briskly.

"You want a cup of tea, Katniss?"

"Sure, thanks mom," I take a seat in front of her. "Why aren't you sleeping yet?"

"I have some medical document to review and since I didn't work today, I don't feel tired at all. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm fine."

My mother hands me over a cup of tea, then place a plate of butter cookies and tissue case on the counter. Smiles, before takes her seat and reach for a pile of paper between us.

"Mom…"

"You don't have to tell me," My mother looks up from the paper." I lost my privilege as a mother to you a long time ago, so I won't ask either. But, I'm all ears every time you want to talk, okay?"

I nod.

"Is Peeta and Willow sleeping tightly?"

"Yes. They were tired over the trip."

"I'm really sorry that my home is so small, I just don't feel comfortable with too much space to live alone."

"It's okay, mom. It does kind of remind me of our home in the seam," I study her. "How are you, mom?"

"I'm fine. I'm sure you too, right? With Peeta, Willow and Haymitch around you."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good," My mother smiles.

I take a sip from my cup. "Are you sure you are okay? Because just like you said, I have people around me."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Annie, Noah and Gale help me to cope everything up."

"Gale?!" I scowl. "So you did meet him at regular basis. Why aren't you told me about it?!"

"Will you happy if I tell you? Will it please and ease you?"

"No."

"Then I did the right thing." My mother smile sadly. "I know I have no right to say this to you, but after all both of you've been through you can't just cast him away. Just as all of us, he also is trying to mend everything. Give him the chance."

"He is the one who walk away." I try to ignore the hint of sadness in my voice by sipping my tea again.

My mother hold my gaze as she's about to say something but though better of it and avert her eyes back to the papers.

"Mom…"

"Hmm…"

"Did it mean you already forgive and forget? Did you fine with it? With everything?"

"No, Katniss," My mother looks at me sadly. "I'm not. I can still remember all of it clearly, but I won't succumb to any sorrow or hatred ever again. I'm not strong; I have no power over what happened and no power to erase any of it. So does Gale, you know. So does all of us. Desperate to move on."

I say nothing. No matter how bad I want to deny it, it is the truth. We all want to move on desperately. But at least my mother calls us, on occasion. Not often but still, she try to reach me, that's why I now she care. Not so much for Gale, though. I never heard a thing from him and yes it is upset me.

"And I guess that is why I leave twelve. I just want to put it all behind and for that I beg your forgiveness, Katniss."

"No, mom. Forget that I ever ask. I understand. There is nothing left for you there."

"I want to be close to you so much, Katniss. But I won't be useful in twelve for you. I don't want to be your burden any longer, you passed through so much. So much more than me. You don't need any more useless burden all the way."

"Mom, please stop!" I start crying again. "I never thought of you as a burden, I was so young and naïve, I judged and pushed you away over something I didn't understand yet. I'm so sorry."

My mother walks around the counter and embraces me, sobbing. "No, don't apologize, peanut. If not because of me, you won't have to grow too fast. I erased your childhood over my own selfishness. I even make you lose Prim over my own stupidity."

I break the embrace, looking at her shocked.

"She came to me when Coin picked her; she looked so happy and proud of herself. I wanted to say no, but I really can't deny her that happiness, that opportunity. I sent her away to the war. Just like I sent you to the dangerous woods, to that horrible games and horrible war," My mother trembles. "I killed my own daughter. I'm the worst mother ever!"

I take my mother's hand in mine, squeezes it. "You didn't kill her mum, I did. I can't save her, I can't do my job to protect her and it's because of me Coin picked her up. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry"

We embrace each other tightly, sobbing even harder for the longest time.

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This is the end and hope you enjoy it. See you around, Gorgeous #SmileBrightly


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